Surgeries, Ramblings and Sanctification!

For nearly a year we had been working with a doctor out of Cincinnati Children's Hospital and he had been so gracious to answer our questions and very helpful in our decision in taking on the caustic issue. However, as we brought the girls home and the reality of actually making plans to go somewhere to have these surgeries, the logistics just didn't seem realistic to go to Cincinnati. I asked our surgeon here if there was anything in Texas or Houston as my sister lives there and it would be so much more convenient. He immediately suggested Texas Children's Hospital and was excited about the possibility. I have since been in contact with the surgeon there and she seems excited in helping. However, their surgeries will require 5-8 hours each and to schedule an OR for a full day much less two days has proved difficult, especially near spring break and on top of that these surgeries require a team of surgeons and to clear their schedules for two full days of surgeries was proving challenging for them to schedule. But we were told today of our dates. Our pre-op is Thurs, April 3rd and the first surgery is Monday, April 14th and the second Thurs, April 17th. I am hoping to get the pre-op closer to the surgeries but will plan on the 3rd for now and probably leave here around the 1st.

On another note...
I have been frustrated with myself lately. Why? My car! I loved my car. I had an Expedition that I bought and paid for myself with my business. We live in the mountains and four wheel drive is needful. I loved my car! I had no intention of trading it in when we took in our Excursion to trade in. That car was a lot of money sitting in the driveway as we never drove it except to pull our camper. But I loved my car! We found a 3500 Ram truck for my husband to pull the camper. Though it had 149K miles on it, it still has a lot of life left since it is a diesel. With all the traveling we will be doing with the girls to Houston and my parents in Pensacola we started looking at something more economic and newer to travel in. My Expedition got about 12mpg. But I loved my car! There was nothing wrong with it and I LOVED IT! So we saw a mini-van that only had 20K miles on it and it has a DVD player in it for the kids traveling and still under original warranty. But it looked like a white rental car. I could see the benefits and my husband said he would feel better about us traveling in this than the Expedition which had 118K miles on it, not to mention the thought of gas prices possibly going to 4/gal this summer. So we trading in my car! I loved that car!!! I looked at the paperwork in the glove box of the new car and guess what...it WAS a rental car! Told ya! I was having buyers remorse the next day. Big time! I was shaking I was so upset. I wanted my car back. I loved my car!!! Now the reason I was so mad was not because I was so ungrateful for the blessing of this new car but because I hang onto things. I can't let anything go. (See post on weird things about me) I love the things I have. I was mad this car meant so much. Was my self worth wrapped up in that car? Did I feel superior in such a nice car? Did I gain status from it? I wasn't ready to let it go. It had a lot of life left in it. I usually drive cars till they die. In fact we still have my '92 Civic. The odometer died at 250k miles about 5 years ago so we suspect it has about 450K miles on it. Parts fall off as we drive but hey...it still runs and gets 40/mpg! My husband uses it as a commuter car. I was ready to do that with this car. But then I think of how hard my husband is working now as I have little time for my business now that the girls are here and since he is paying all the bills it certainly isn't fair to have a gas guzzler. But I loved my car. Then 2 days ago we got about 8" of snow and I really wanted my car back! We are now left without a four wheel drive. But if I am honest, I have to say the new minivan is front wheel and did pretty well in the snow. So every time I am on the road and I see an Expedition (trust me out here in the mountains about every other car is one) I have that longing. What is really sad is that it is the same feeling I have when I remember our sweet dog Ellie. Our border collie we had to give away because she bit our little girl. It was needful but I had to hold my hand over my ears so I couldn't hear the new owners drive away with her. I cried for days. I still think about her and long for her whenever I see a border collie. A car is nothing like a dog who was a member of our family but my longing is the same. It seems so sick. So why can't I let go of things. It is a stronghold on me that I really am working on. I have been praying in earnest that God would be my only longing, that my self worth would be wrapped up in Him alone and that I would have a light touch on this earth. All these things I have and posses, I can't take with me to my heavenly home. My pastor said something so eloquently that has stayed with me. He said that we will never be able to let go of anything, our possessions, habits, addictions unless we have something that means more to us. That our love and desire for God should be that all consuming passion that means more to us than anything we have, long for or are addicted to. That only when Christ is our greatest treasure and pleasure will we be able to overcome and let go of those things that consume us.
So I have been praying..."Oh Lord, consume me! Let me find my worth so totally wrapped up in who I am in You. That I might let go of the things of this world. Refine me Lord, my thoughts and my actions."
Another adoptive mother who recently lost her husband, sat through a Sunday service where the pastor talked on marriage. At first she didn't want to listen but he began to speak that maybe God gives us spouses, not to make us happy, but maybe it is to sanctify us. Perhaps He gives us our spouses, our children, our friends as tools to transform us into His imagine. To refine us, purify us, like gold in the fire. It's purity can not be seen unless it goes through extreme heat. Oh that He would purify me. That I could accept His precious refining process as a blessing and not pout like a little child for not getting my way. So I have been mad. Each time I think of my car (I loved that car). How I want it back. Like a child throwing a tantrum, not getting my way. How selfish. When God is trying to sanctify me, lift my chin to look at Him, and how nothing in this world should compare to the amazing Glory that is yet to come. Oh that I would long for the Glory of my precious Savior!